yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
