worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
