kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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