question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
