Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
