Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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