Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
