I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
