Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
