$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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