is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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