Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
no, he came in my armpit
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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