she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize