There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
