My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
