He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
