I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
