Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
