this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
