btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
