i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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