I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
