he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize