i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
