physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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