im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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