Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
