I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
