yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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