he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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