Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
