rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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