Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
