my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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