your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
