she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
