Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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