final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
