mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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