dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
