Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
