i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
