You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
