I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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