I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
