I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
