So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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