I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
