Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
is wine microwaveable?
birth control should be required to get into college
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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