i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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