wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Couch. On fire.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
