This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
