Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
