I want to stick my p in your. b.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
