Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
