I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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