You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize