and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
zippers are such a cool invention
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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