You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
