I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
