I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'm always down for nudity.
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