my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
