Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
