I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Send help, water and tortillas.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
