are you so shy because you have an std?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
