I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
