Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
