The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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