even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
