Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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