my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize