Whatcha textin bout Willis?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Dicks are not precious.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
