I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Drunk is a universal language darling
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
