Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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