I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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