I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
