Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
