yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
