It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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