I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
