Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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