i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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