farters have to be the big spoon...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
