I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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