Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I think my moral compass just broke
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
