I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
