I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
